Friday 4 February 2011

What happened to January?

What happened to January?

I don't think I'm suffering from amnesia but some sort of Time Distortion. January passed like a motorway journey. Everything whizzed by so quickly with nothing but vague images of trees, houses and other cars. But I can't remember anything memorable and the more I think about it, too many months pass like that. One minute I was raising a glass of cheap bubbly to the New Year and the next minute it's February 4th.
This morning I tried my two new deodorants. In a cost cutting exercise I purchased a well-known brand stick deodorant for a pound from “Chavland”. You know the store - everything costs a Chav! However, I also like to double up with a spray and low and behold another store had half price sprays of another well-known brand, neither of which I had ever used before but ring out the changes. If a girl can't treat herself to a different brand once in a while what has the world come to? I had a quick sniff in the lid and couldn't really smell anything so I figured inocuous was as good as anything when it came to smells. How bad can it be, I thought? I'll tell you how bad. The sporty brand name stick smells like cowslip, damp vegetation and horse saliva and the spray is akin to some industrial substance that removes MRSA, E.Coli and 99.9% of all bacteria. I smell like a wet horse that's just scrubbed for surgery! On the container it says”developed with athletes”, yeah, 25 stone, testosterone enhanced shot putters! I had to use triple amounts of my very expensive perfume in a futile attempt to cover up all unwanted aroma thus completely defeating the cost saving exercise as I will need new perfume within the month!
Will add old faithful expensive brand deodorants to shopping list, donate hardly used others to dustbin and stop with the silly cost saving malarky. What a waste of time.

My husband introduced me to Time Distortion the other day. A chap called Richard Bandler uses NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming), hypnosis and a metronome to help one train ones brain to slow down time. So, the ticking metronome slows eventually to a click every 2-4 minutes instead of every second allowing one 'extra' or stretched time. Think what you could learn in 4 minutes which is really only one click of a metronome? Very interesting I thought. Very useful. So why then have I been afflicted with the complete opposite which is Time Contraction? The metronome clicking so damn fast that I lose months at a time and am suddenly 45 years old? And all without the aid of Mr Bandler, his metronome or his NLP! 

No comments:

Post a Comment